Because driving techniques and manners in
Limavady are different from anywhere else on the planet, we present a
rough and ready guide for the visiting motorist. Hopefully it will
reduce the culture shock often suffered by newcomers to our busy
streets and go some way towards explaining local
peculiarities. We would love to hear from any survivors.
- When you turn off a road never use
indicators because this only confuses other drivers and gives them no
scope for guessing your next unexpected move. However, if you want to
drive straight on, you must indicate - any
direction will do. This will teach others a valuable lesson and hone
the reflexes of uninjured pedestrians.
- Always park your car in areas clearly
with two parallel yellow lines. If at all possible double park,
particularly in corners. The roads in our town are far too wide and
hence should be blocked more often. If all else fails, park across an
this is obligatory when you can block access to builder's skips.
- When parking in a creative way you must
under no circumstances forget the quaint local custom of leaving one's
emergency lights flashing whilst abandoning one's car. This earns
admiring glances from everyone and lets the police know that one had no
- If there are no pretty yellow lines to be
seen it is customary to park right across the nearest available
pedestrian crossing. This will make it impossible for all but birds to
cross the road safely, but most pedestrians will enjoy the thrill and
are in need of extra exercise anyway. Your fellow drivers are sure to
appreciate the moving targets.
- Often, whilst cruising the centre of town,
you will meet friendly natives doing the same thing. You should not
shout out to them from your moving vehicle because this is dangerous.
It is much safer for all concerned to stop the cars in the middle of
the road and have a good long chat via the open windows. Other drivers
will appreciate your concern for their safety and wait patiently. They
also get a welcome opportunity to test their horns.
- Small roundabouts are difficult things to
navigate and can be very confusing. It is generally best
just to ignore them and drive right across the open space as fast as
- When approaching a pedestrian crossing,
ignore the red traffic light and drive slightly faster. The time
allocated for pedestrians to cross the road is far too short. Winging a
few sluggish old ladies will draw welcome attention to this fact.
- Sometimes there are lurking pedestrians at
the side of the road who look at you apprehensively. Give them an
encouraging smile or nod and pounce the moment they start crossing.
Once they are out of hospital and have had some psychiatric advice,
they will appreciate your wicked sense of humour.
- The kerb around the Connell Street car
is very high and there are only two or three shopping trolley ramps.
You must park your car across one of those if at
all possible. This saves you money and prevents customers from shopping
in Market Street - a welcome boon to 'Out of Centre Traders'.
- If you are pulling a trailer, make sure
you do not tie the load down and be certain to let it stick out as far
as possible. This will remind short sighted drivers to see their
and make Howard Caskie and/or Desmond Thompson very happy.
- If your conscience forbids you to park at
double yellow line, just park your car across the footpath - anywhere
will do. Not only is this very convenient but it also reminds the town
that cars must always come first.
- In the unlikely event that you would ever
want to leave our lovely town please remember that the centre-of-town
exit to the new bypass is not really a road but a giant car park.
Should you drive one of these big monsters, just
dump it across the road. People will understand.
If you follow these simple rules, nobody will
ever know that you are not from around here.